Happy Father's Day to My Dad

Ever since my dad passed away Father's Day has been a mixed bag for me. There are the obvious great moments celebrating Rob and the great father that he is to Viv and also some painful moments when I see others celebrating their fathers and wish that mine were still here to tell him how much I love and admire him. The older I get, the more I appreciate the deep level of sacrifice that embodied his role within our family and I wish he were here to be rightfully appreciated. Part of me thinks that somehow he still knows.

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
feeling none of his youth's deprivation,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s discreet and lonely offices?
(Robert E. Hayden)

This poem always reminded me of my dad (for those of you familiar with it, you'll realize I changed a few lines which absolutely did not apply to my father and swapped them for something more appropriate). The first time I read it I was in college and I remember tears welling up in my eyes. I remember wishing I had had any clue when I was living at home and had been a bit more grateful for the fabulous gift of my father.


I guess this photo wasn't supposed be copied--I must have scanned in the wrong copy, but it's such a great picture of my dad I'm using it anyway. Sorry "Phil's Photo".


This is my dad in his army days. His smile didn't change at all over the years! Always warm and friendly!



This is my dad with his sister Zora when he came home from the army.



This is my dad with the local men's chorus. My dad always like to sing and had a great voice. In fact, when we were younger he would always break out his ukelele and sing songs around the campfire to us and our friends. There was one song in particular that he would sing to my sisters and I (and then years later to all my nieces) when we were little girls that went, "Roly, poly, daddy's little fat girl, (insert name)'s gonna be a lady some day..." Funny how at three years old "daddy's little fat girl" seemed such an endearing term!



Here's my mom and dad in Hawaii when they were young! Everyone used to tell them they looked like a Hollywood couple--I can totally see it!


My dad always made the most of every moment in his life. I remember after I had moved to Boston I was SOOO lonely and sad and just hated it there! My parents came out for a visit (mostly I think because they were worried about me) and my dad took me downtown. After seeing Boston through my dad's eyes, I actually began to appreciate the city. He went on and on about how fabulous it was and how he was seriously considering packing up and becoming a hotdog vendor at Downtown Crossing. He would get up every morning and go out walking and come back with stories of great restaurants he'd found and friends he'd made on the street. He was such a great example of how to make the most of difficult situations.

My dad also knew how to make special occassions special! I remember how difficult those first few holidays without him were because we were so used to having his energy and enthusiasm to make everything seem 100 times better.
(Here I was going to add this really fabulous picture of my dad dressed up like a reindeer and another of him stabbing our Thanksgiving turkey, but blogspot won't let me add any pictures for some reason! ARGH!!)



My dad and I at Rob's and my wedding.

The thing I will miss the most about my dad is seeing him as a grandpa. I am so sad that Viv has the greatest grandpa in history and won't even get to know him in this lifetime. My dad seriously is HANDS DOWN the best grandpa I have EVER seen. My nieces and nephew believe to this day that he walks on water.

I remember when my sister Karalee lived in Michigan and brought her kids home for Christmas one year. They had been so excited to go to Utah and go sledding, but were sorely disappointed when they arrived only to find no snow. My dad couldn't bear to see their disappointment so he proceeded to make an iceskating rink our of our backyard by flooding it with a nearby irrigation ditch. Once the water froze, he spent an entire afternoon pulling my sister's little boys over the ice on sleds in an effort to simulate a real sledding experience.

My dad loved fun and children equally well! On any given night he could be found building the perfect marshmallow roasting bonfire, pitching tents in the backyard, saddling the horses, building snow hills or bike ramps...(possibilities were always endless with my dad)...all in the name of making things fun for the children in his life. I often wonder why, when he could have been relaxing in front of the TV or a good book, my dad chose instead to spend ever spare second making a better life for us. I hope my kids can say the same of me one day.


My dad would tirelessly walk the horse around and around the back pastures, giving each of my nieces and nephews a turn to ride.


Here's my dad coaching my nieces and nephews in a pick-up game of basketball which he organized.


Reading to my niece Page.


Driving the kids in a horse-drawn sleigh at Christmastime.


My dad was always a personal jungle gym for kids.

So here's to my dad. An amazing father, grandpa, counselor, neighbor, sage, entertainer, and friend. I cannot imagine who I would be or how life would have turned out without you. You were always the sunshine in our lives even though our family went through a lot of really tough times. You put away all of your fears, stress, and anger to help alleviate ours. Somehow you never let us see your own pain--just your warmth and smiles. You were a friend to the outsider, a shoulder for the weary, and always going to bat for the underdog. So many people's lives are better because of you. There are so many people who love you dad! We can't wait!