My "Worst Day" Epiphany

So a few days ago I had what I thought at the time might qualify among the worst days of my life (it wasn't, but at the time it felt like it could be). However, in order to tell the story appropriately, I have to provide some background...

So, in an effort to lose the stubborn pregnancy weight I've been carting around, I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise. Interestingly, these extra pounds which pregnancy has gifted to me seem to respond to exercise with much less enthusiasm than typical pounds and the results of my hard work have been a little less promising than I had hoped. A friend of ours has recently had insanely speedy weight loss results with a program called Isagenix and, given my desire to have these pounds gone before our vacation to Mexico in January, I more recently decided to try that route. While I can testify that this new system works miracles for losing inches quickly, it is not for the faint of heart. It requires that you start out with a couple of "cleanse days" which basically entail the consumption of nothing but a "cleanse drink" that tastes like a mixture of Hawaiian Punch and Vitamin Water. It was on such a "cleanse day" that my story takes place (as a side note, I get exceedingly grumpy when I have not eaten for 48 hours).

On said cleanse day I was hungry, tired, and frustrated. Tired because Vivian is now teething and subsequently deciding to wake up at night/crack of dawn and refuse naps in the day. Frustrated because Vivi was more fussy than usual due to her teething pain and was not afraid to voice her feelings loudly. Admittedly, I was feeling quite sorry for myself.

As outlined in the Isagenix program, on a cleanse day one is allowed to eat hardboiled eggs if one absolultely must. Well, I felt that I must, so I went to the kitchen and put some eggs on to boil. I came back to the living room to find that Vivi has created a diaper of outlandish proportions that somehow managed to find it's way onto her clothing, her blanket, and her toys. Having eaten nothing for many hours, I did not feel like I had the energy or the stomach to deal with such a crisis. However, it was either deal or let Vivi wallow in filth, so I dealt. My first step was to take Vivi to the changing table and removed her clothing, which simultaneously spread the mess all up her back and onto her face (disgusting!) At this point, in a state of near-meltdown, I looked down at Vivi, covered from head to toe in her own bodily excrement, and was surprised at the ear-to-ear smile that graced her soiled face. As soon as I looked at her, I couldn't keep from smiling a bit, which made her laugh. I though to myself, "how can she be so happy right now? Amidst all of this disgusting mess and teething pain, she is happy?" I may have reached my epiphany at this moment had I had more time to think, but before I could carry this thought process further, I heard an explosion in the kitchen. So I grabbed Vivi, leaving the changing table in THIS state...

and ran into the kitchen carrying a very messy Vivian to find THIS.....

That's right, the water had completely boiled off of my eggs and they had proceeded to overheat, burn, and explode all over my kitchen. This was the low point. I almost cried (please keep in mind I had not eaten or slept nearly enough in the previous 48 hours). I would have dwelt in this sad state for longer, but I still had a baby to clean up, so we headed to the bathroom. I put Vivi in the tub and scrubbed her extra well in an effort to be sure that all remnants of the crisis were removed. After I finished scrubbing, I decided to take a moment and bask in the tradition of letting Vivi have some play time in the tub. Again, as I looked down at her, I was surprised at what I saw. So surprised I ran to grab the camera to capture the moment.
Once again, Vivi was laughing. With her finger in her mouth trying to soothe her teething pain, she was laughing. She was loving this bath just like she loves every bath!

It was at this moment that I paused long enough to let the epiphany come. I realized something interesting about Vivian. Vivian's default is happy. In the abscence of intense physical pain, fear, hunger, or sleepiness (and in the PRESENCE of attention) she is always happy. It takes very little to make her giddy with joy. When she was lying there on the changing table covered in poop, she was happy because she wasn't hungry. She wasn't thinking about the gross substance that covered her body. She didn't even realize it was there because she was too busy being happy that she was well-taken-care-of in terms of her physical and emotional needs. When she was being scrubbed down in the tub, she was having a great time because she likes being warm and splashing in the water and talking to mommy. She didn't even NOTICE the negative spin on the bath (the reason she NEEDED the bath). It was then that I began to understand the admonition to "become as a little child". I thought to myself, "what if I were like Vivi and started just being grateful that I was warm, loved, safe, and had plenty to eat." I tried to rethink what had happened that day in "Vivi terms". I thought, "well, even though I didn't get enough sleep last night, most nights I do because I have a comfortable bed and wonderful baby who sleeps well at night when she isn't teething." And the hunger I was feeling? Well, I thought, "at least after this cleanse day, I have plenty of food to eat and will not have to be hungry against my will like many people across the world." I realized there was a vast difference between dieting and starving and I became profoundly grateful I was only wrestling with the former. And what about Vivi's explosive diaper? I realized there are many people out there without children who would do just about anything to have a baby whose diaper they could change no matter how nasty the process. And there are probably just as many who would love for their children just to be whole and healthy.

Though my Vivi-like thinking was short-lived, it did make the next hour of cleaning poop out of blankets, clothing, and off of toys ALMOST pleasant. I have been wondering ever since why it is so hard to be grateful for the little things. At what point did I start taking for granted the fact that I have so many comforts and blessings? I'm not sure and it's something I'm going to keep thinking about, but for now, here's to Vivian. She is truly an amazing gift. She makes every day more happy for me just by being her. I hope some day she will look up to me, but for now, I have a lot to learn from her. XOXO VIVI!!!